I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Found the puke drawer
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
