I wish I could punch you in the face.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
