You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
