my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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