I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
