hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
