One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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