Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
