I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
