i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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