You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
