I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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