if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
