the condom got lost in my hair
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
