This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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