oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
