For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
