We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
