I'm going to jail i love you
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
