First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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