no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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