You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
