It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
