i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
