"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
