Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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