There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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