your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
