He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
