mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
