eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
