Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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