im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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