dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
