I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
