Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
