You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
