Where is the hickey?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
