im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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