Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
