When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
