I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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