nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
