just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
