You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
babies were throwing up all over the place
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
