A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
