My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
