The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
