It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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