I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
