Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
