you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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