hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
