i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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