I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
