Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
