Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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